Desolation.

This diabetes is really getting to me. It has taken so much from me. I have recently developed frequent anxiety attacks, and complicated stress that never ends. I can't focus on anything. I wake up each morning with almost zero motivation to wake up. I don't even know why I am waking up anymore. I am losing so much faith in my life. I am walking around everywhere I go, just listening to music, so that I don't have to face the world. I'm in a constant battle with my body, and it won't end. Since january, my body has NEVER felt normal. If it isn't the low, it is the constant headaches when my numbers are perfect, if it isn't those then it is most certainly the highs. I feel so beaten down. Any time I hear of someone with an illness I begin to cry. I don't know why. I am so beaten. I don't know why. I am in a constant state of depression. This disease has taken so much from me, and given me so many new things to deal with. I try and be happy but I can't do it. Depression, cut a long story short, please break what won't bend. I'm in heartache every day, and I don't know why. I just want a hug to know that someone is there. Someone who doesn't mind that I will cry and they will have no reason why. I don't expect anyone to understand, but I had to get this out somewhere. I can't focus on anything. I find anything to cling to these days. I have found love but it has come with so many complications. I'm hanging in there but I need some help somewhere. I keep babbling because I don't want to have to stop typing, because if I do then I'm back to a desolate feeling world. I need someone to hear my pleas, I need someone to actually care and hold me. I'm in such a lonely scary place right now. I've had many thoughts that I don't want lately. I want you to help me help them go away, because I know I can't do this on my own. I never thought I would type this out. Here it is.

A quick little update

Been a good week so far. I tried out the omni pod for the past three days. Pretty kick ass if you ask me. No wires. No tubes. I couldn't even feel it, it was like complete and total freedom!

Life is going well right now. No real issues. Been losing weight from the gastroparesis lately. Need to eat smaller meals more frequently I was told.


Anyways I am off for the day. Just a quick update!

This is Evan MacDonald, signing off.

A child of the Medical System

Last Wednesday I was on a date and my throat started to get very tight, and my whole neck became sore as if the muscles were torn. However, after the date I went home and just put an ice pack on my neck, thinking that I just spoke to much or pulled a muscle, and went to bed. I woke up in severe pain, my chest was killing me with every breath, and my back hurt to the point of where I could not even move. The headaches were worse than ever, and nothing could ease my pain. I went downstairs to my parents and alerted them, where we then went to urgent care, and I was told I had Pericarditis. This is a condition in which a sack around the heart becomes inflamed and begins to rub with every breath.

However, the Urgent Care doctor wanted me to see a professional, so I was rushed to the Heart Hospital of Austin. There I was hooked up with so many tubes and wires I couldn't even move! There I had an EKG,  and a CT Scan with contrast. Awaiting the results of the CT scan, I was given a sonogram, yet they had three sonogram technicians come in, and they couldn't get a picture of my heart because there was "breathing obstruction." The doctor came in and said that the reason they could not see my heart was because it was not Pericarditis, but another condition, which for the life of me I can not remember the name of. In fact, it was a condition in which there was air in the potential space cavern that surrounds my heart. Potential space is just an empty space where there is a potential for something to occupy... like air.

They had to make sure the air was not coming from my esophagus, so they made me drink barium, and another similar substance. Yes they are both absolutely disgusting to drink. They said it was a hole in my lung that would heal, but I must avoid excessive rapid breathing for two weeks. Also I would like to also point out that the radiologist told me that I have Gastroparesis. This is a condition that developed from my diabetes. In this process the nerves surrounding your stomach that tell it to contract are damaged and thus you have, in a sense, a paralyzed stomach. Only a portion of mine is paralyzed, and if I don't keep my numbers in check the entirety of my stomach could be completely paralyzed. This causes severe abdominal upset.

I know the reason for the headaches and the extreme gastro upset now!!! Also I would like to note that my lung got a hole in it from my running so much to try to counteract diabetes haha. Funny how life works out huh?

Also. I got out of the hospital for 20K +. Three hours.

Keep your numbers in check folks! 

I'm back!

Hey, it has been a while, huh? Well I just got out of a relationship, so I'm here and will have a lot of free time now. So the insulin has been going well, I am about to get a pump. It is called the Omni Pump and I think it will fit my very active and chaotic life. The headaches still persist and no one can figure the reason for them, however, I move on day by day.

Also, an update! I am going to be attending Texas State University to major in Business and Entrepreneurship. I'm hoping it goes quite well, and I'm just ready to get back out there.

In short... This has been one of the most stressful six months of my life. It has changed me though, and made me who I am. I am not the diabetic, and I am not the special case. I am still me, and if anything I'm more of a man for it. Hell, I inject needles into my body at least six times a day. Haha.

Things are looking up, it has been rough, I can't lie, and I won't. To all future diabetics, Life is Hard, it is never easy, and with an almost useless pancreas it becomes a lot harder. Good things come to those who wait. And the only way to wait is to stay alive, so watch those sugar levels! I'm a steady 120-145 everyday!

Ps. If I can find the money, I'm going to try and become a private pilot.



READY. SET. GO.

Livin on the I - n - sulin

Since we last talked I was asked to give my CNS my insulin injection units and numbers for the past three days. I did this... She still has not emailed me back with my meal doses like she was supposed to. Also I had called her last Thursday, four days ago, and spoke with her nurse, and told the nurse that my stomach was in severe pain and that I had a constant headache. I never heard back from her. Needless to say, someone is going to get an earful on Monday. She better watch out. You do not leave a new diabetic lost in the dark while on their first regimen of insulin. Highly unprofessional.

However, I have had bad congestion for the past three days, and a CONSTANT never ending headache. It goes away while I sleep and in the morning, but it is pulsing through out the day. Needless to say I am a little worried.

I can't express my dislike for the medical system at this present time. I am already worrying about the rest of my life, I don't need to have to worry about my medical professionals. WHO GET PAID ENOUGH I MIGHT ADD...

I am angered. But I am determined to kill the thing that killed my dream. I have become enamored with the idea of a cure, and the idea of finding out how to whip this horrible disease. I will not let it take anyone elses' dream if I can help it.



Here are my numbers and sliding scale results that I sent my ex-CNS:

2/16/11
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Breakfast - 0 units Nova
Before: 122
After: 137

Lunch - 0 Units Nova
Before: 88
After: 146

Dinner - 0 units Nova
Before: 76
After: 162

ALL MEALS FOR THIS DAY INCLUDED BREAD (eggo waffles, fajitas, and chips/queso with salad)

11 Units Lantus

--------------------------------------------

2/17/11
-----

Breakfast - 1 units Nova
Before: 167
After: 151

Lunch - 0 Units Nova
Before: 82
After: 145

Dinner - 0 units Nova
Before: 120
After: 145

ALL MEALS FOR THIS DAY INCLUDED BREAD (eggo waffles, fajitas, and chips/queso with salad) - same as previous day

12 Units Lantus

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

2/18/11
-----

Breakfast - 1 units Nova
Before: 156
After: 173

Lunch - 0 Units Nova
Before: 137
After: 170

Dinner - 1 units Nova
Before: 181
After: 206

**ALL MEALS FOR THIS DAY INCLUDED BREAD (eggo waffles, fajitas, sugar free candy, popcorn, and hamburger)

**ALSO HAD MEDECINE containing acetometaphin for congestion and cold like symptoms. Also had one pill of aleve.

**I have been experiencing congestion and a CONSTANT headache for the past three days.

13 Units Lantus


Also enjoy:

Insulin treatment: Phase One

So, today I went to the endocrinologist and the CNS (certified nurse specialist) put me on a regiment of insulin. It consists of a nightly long lasting insulin shot that is administered at 10pm and then the next regimen is of fast acting insulin. This insulin is taken before every meal. Thus, before every meal I check my blood sugar, and then dial in a unit of insulin according to the reading. The injection is of pen type and works like an epi pen that I inject into my stomach, and because I am somewhat thin (thanks diabetes...) the needle I use is the smallest available- about the size and gauge of my Delica lancet. I have to work my way up to an insulin pump, and I can only use one after my glucose is under control on administered insulin.

The antibodies test registered a .7, I believe, on my lab results, so this is a high indicator of type 1 diabetes, and also the C-Peptide test was 1.1, which is in range but is still extremely low. So, basically, my pancreas is producing just enough insulin to keep me working for a little bit, but the glipizide, which is forcing more insulin to be made, is actually speeding up the destruction of the beta cells in my pancreas. So the regimen of glipizide and metformin has been stopped. It's insulin all the way now!

P.S. If you want to inject into your leg, be wary that because this is where a lot of muscle interaction occurs, the insulin will be used up faster than if it was injected into the stomach.

I also would like to add, that I found a school with an Aviation Management degree closer in Texas. I am actually going to go to Central Texas College / Central A&M University to get a bachelors in Aviation Sceince with an emphasis on Aviation Management. Here I will also get my private pilot's license.

Let's keep our fingers crossed!

This is Evan,

Signing off.

D Day

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The news came back. Type 1.

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