Desolation.

This diabetes is really getting to me. It has taken so much from me. I have recently developed frequent anxiety attacks, and complicated stress that never ends. I can't focus on anything. I wake up each morning with almost zero motivation to wake up. I don't even know why I am waking up anymore. I am losing so much faith in my life. I am walking around everywhere I go, just listening to music, so that I don't have to face the world. I'm in a constant battle with my body, and it won't end. Since january, my body has NEVER felt normal. If it isn't the low, it is the constant headaches when my numbers are perfect, if it isn't those then it is most certainly the highs. I feel so beaten down. Any time I hear of someone with an illness I begin to cry. I don't know why. I am so beaten. I don't know why. I am in a constant state of depression. This disease has taken so much from me, and given me so many new things to deal with. I try and be happy but I can't do it. Depression, cut a long story short, please break what won't bend. I'm in heartache every day, and I don't know why. I just want a hug to know that someone is there. Someone who doesn't mind that I will cry and they will have no reason why. I don't expect anyone to understand, but I had to get this out somewhere. I can't focus on anything. I find anything to cling to these days. I have found love but it has come with so many complications. I'm hanging in there but I need some help somewhere. I keep babbling because I don't want to have to stop typing, because if I do then I'm back to a desolate feeling world. I need someone to hear my pleas, I need someone to actually care and hold me. I'm in such a lonely scary place right now. I've had many thoughts that I don't want lately. I want you to help me help them go away, because I know I can't do this on my own. I never thought I would type this out. Here it is.