Desolation.

This diabetes is really getting to me. It has taken so much from me. I have recently developed frequent anxiety attacks, and complicated stress that never ends. I can't focus on anything. I wake up each morning with almost zero motivation to wake up. I don't even know why I am waking up anymore. I am losing so much faith in my life. I am walking around everywhere I go, just listening to music, so that I don't have to face the world. I'm in a constant battle with my body, and it won't end. Since january, my body has NEVER felt normal. If it isn't the low, it is the constant headaches when my numbers are perfect, if it isn't those then it is most certainly the highs. I feel so beaten down. Any time I hear of someone with an illness I begin to cry. I don't know why. I am so beaten. I don't know why. I am in a constant state of depression. This disease has taken so much from me, and given me so many new things to deal with. I try and be happy but I can't do it. Depression, cut a long story short, please break what won't bend. I'm in heartache every day, and I don't know why. I just want a hug to know that someone is there. Someone who doesn't mind that I will cry and they will have no reason why. I don't expect anyone to understand, but I had to get this out somewhere. I can't focus on anything. I find anything to cling to these days. I have found love but it has come with so many complications. I'm hanging in there but I need some help somewhere. I keep babbling because I don't want to have to stop typing, because if I do then I'm back to a desolate feeling world. I need someone to hear my pleas, I need someone to actually care and hold me. I'm in such a lonely scary place right now. I've had many thoughts that I don't want lately. I want you to help me help them go away, because I know I can't do this on my own. I never thought I would type this out. Here it is.

A quick little update

Been a good week so far. I tried out the omni pod for the past three days. Pretty kick ass if you ask me. No wires. No tubes. I couldn't even feel it, it was like complete and total freedom!

Life is going well right now. No real issues. Been losing weight from the gastroparesis lately. Need to eat smaller meals more frequently I was told.


Anyways I am off for the day. Just a quick update!

This is Evan MacDonald, signing off.

A child of the Medical System

Last Wednesday I was on a date and my throat started to get very tight, and my whole neck became sore as if the muscles were torn. However, after the date I went home and just put an ice pack on my neck, thinking that I just spoke to much or pulled a muscle, and went to bed. I woke up in severe pain, my chest was killing me with every breath, and my back hurt to the point of where I could not even move. The headaches were worse than ever, and nothing could ease my pain. I went downstairs to my parents and alerted them, where we then went to urgent care, and I was told I had Pericarditis. This is a condition in which a sack around the heart becomes inflamed and begins to rub with every breath.

However, the Urgent Care doctor wanted me to see a professional, so I was rushed to the Heart Hospital of Austin. There I was hooked up with so many tubes and wires I couldn't even move! There I had an EKG,  and a CT Scan with contrast. Awaiting the results of the CT scan, I was given a sonogram, yet they had three sonogram technicians come in, and they couldn't get a picture of my heart because there was "breathing obstruction." The doctor came in and said that the reason they could not see my heart was because it was not Pericarditis, but another condition, which for the life of me I can not remember the name of. In fact, it was a condition in which there was air in the potential space cavern that surrounds my heart. Potential space is just an empty space where there is a potential for something to occupy... like air.

They had to make sure the air was not coming from my esophagus, so they made me drink barium, and another similar substance. Yes they are both absolutely disgusting to drink. They said it was a hole in my lung that would heal, but I must avoid excessive rapid breathing for two weeks. Also I would like to also point out that the radiologist told me that I have Gastroparesis. This is a condition that developed from my diabetes. In this process the nerves surrounding your stomach that tell it to contract are damaged and thus you have, in a sense, a paralyzed stomach. Only a portion of mine is paralyzed, and if I don't keep my numbers in check the entirety of my stomach could be completely paralyzed. This causes severe abdominal upset.

I know the reason for the headaches and the extreme gastro upset now!!! Also I would like to note that my lung got a hole in it from my running so much to try to counteract diabetes haha. Funny how life works out huh?

Also. I got out of the hospital for 20K +. Three hours.

Keep your numbers in check folks! 

I'm back!

Hey, it has been a while, huh? Well I just got out of a relationship, so I'm here and will have a lot of free time now. So the insulin has been going well, I am about to get a pump. It is called the Omni Pump and I think it will fit my very active and chaotic life. The headaches still persist and no one can figure the reason for them, however, I move on day by day.

Also, an update! I am going to be attending Texas State University to major in Business and Entrepreneurship. I'm hoping it goes quite well, and I'm just ready to get back out there.

In short... This has been one of the most stressful six months of my life. It has changed me though, and made me who I am. I am not the diabetic, and I am not the special case. I am still me, and if anything I'm more of a man for it. Hell, I inject needles into my body at least six times a day. Haha.

Things are looking up, it has been rough, I can't lie, and I won't. To all future diabetics, Life is Hard, it is never easy, and with an almost useless pancreas it becomes a lot harder. Good things come to those who wait. And the only way to wait is to stay alive, so watch those sugar levels! I'm a steady 120-145 everyday!

Ps. If I can find the money, I'm going to try and become a private pilot.



READY. SET. GO.

Livin on the I - n - sulin

Since we last talked I was asked to give my CNS my insulin injection units and numbers for the past three days. I did this... She still has not emailed me back with my meal doses like she was supposed to. Also I had called her last Thursday, four days ago, and spoke with her nurse, and told the nurse that my stomach was in severe pain and that I had a constant headache. I never heard back from her. Needless to say, someone is going to get an earful on Monday. She better watch out. You do not leave a new diabetic lost in the dark while on their first regimen of insulin. Highly unprofessional.

However, I have had bad congestion for the past three days, and a CONSTANT never ending headache. It goes away while I sleep and in the morning, but it is pulsing through out the day. Needless to say I am a little worried.

I can't express my dislike for the medical system at this present time. I am already worrying about the rest of my life, I don't need to have to worry about my medical professionals. WHO GET PAID ENOUGH I MIGHT ADD...

I am angered. But I am determined to kill the thing that killed my dream. I have become enamored with the idea of a cure, and the idea of finding out how to whip this horrible disease. I will not let it take anyone elses' dream if I can help it.



Here are my numbers and sliding scale results that I sent my ex-CNS:

2/16/11
-----

Breakfast - 0 units Nova
Before: 122
After: 137

Lunch - 0 Units Nova
Before: 88
After: 146

Dinner - 0 units Nova
Before: 76
After: 162

ALL MEALS FOR THIS DAY INCLUDED BREAD (eggo waffles, fajitas, and chips/queso with salad)

11 Units Lantus

--------------------------------------------

2/17/11
-----

Breakfast - 1 units Nova
Before: 167
After: 151

Lunch - 0 Units Nova
Before: 82
After: 145

Dinner - 0 units Nova
Before: 120
After: 145

ALL MEALS FOR THIS DAY INCLUDED BREAD (eggo waffles, fajitas, and chips/queso with salad) - same as previous day

12 Units Lantus

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

2/18/11
-----

Breakfast - 1 units Nova
Before: 156
After: 173

Lunch - 0 Units Nova
Before: 137
After: 170

Dinner - 1 units Nova
Before: 181
After: 206

**ALL MEALS FOR THIS DAY INCLUDED BREAD (eggo waffles, fajitas, sugar free candy, popcorn, and hamburger)

**ALSO HAD MEDECINE containing acetometaphin for congestion and cold like symptoms. Also had one pill of aleve.

**I have been experiencing congestion and a CONSTANT headache for the past three days.

13 Units Lantus


Also enjoy:

Insulin treatment: Phase One

So, today I went to the endocrinologist and the CNS (certified nurse specialist) put me on a regiment of insulin. It consists of a nightly long lasting insulin shot that is administered at 10pm and then the next regimen is of fast acting insulin. This insulin is taken before every meal. Thus, before every meal I check my blood sugar, and then dial in a unit of insulin according to the reading. The injection is of pen type and works like an epi pen that I inject into my stomach, and because I am somewhat thin (thanks diabetes...) the needle I use is the smallest available- about the size and gauge of my Delica lancet. I have to work my way up to an insulin pump, and I can only use one after my glucose is under control on administered insulin.

The antibodies test registered a .7, I believe, on my lab results, so this is a high indicator of type 1 diabetes, and also the C-Peptide test was 1.1, which is in range but is still extremely low. So, basically, my pancreas is producing just enough insulin to keep me working for a little bit, but the glipizide, which is forcing more insulin to be made, is actually speeding up the destruction of the beta cells in my pancreas. So the regimen of glipizide and metformin has been stopped. It's insulin all the way now!

P.S. If you want to inject into your leg, be wary that because this is where a lot of muscle interaction occurs, the insulin will be used up faster than if it was injected into the stomach.

I also would like to add, that I found a school with an Aviation Management degree closer in Texas. I am actually going to go to Central Texas College / Central A&M University to get a bachelors in Aviation Sceince with an emphasis on Aviation Management. Here I will also get my private pilot's license.

Let's keep our fingers crossed!

This is Evan,

Signing off.

D Day

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The news came back. Type 1.

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The Video Blog!

Here is my first video blog. I hope to make more like it even though it took quite a while and I was rushed to make it today. I am a little camera shy, but I will get used to it.

Let me know what you think. 

This is Evan,

Signing off.

P.S. 


THE WAITING IS KILLING ME STILL. GUH.

D-Day or V-Day?

So here I am. Today was the day. I saw the endocrinologist specialist. She didn't tell me anything that I hadn't already learned from the hours and hours and hours of googling. However, she will be running a GAD (autoimmune antibodies) test, which will tell me if my body is destroying the beta cells in my pancreas that produce insulin, and a C peptide test, which checks for a certain chemical that is a by product of the production of insulin. This will tell me for sure if I have type 1 diabetes. If GAD is present I have type 1 diabetes, and if I have a lack of C Peptide it leans towards type 1 diabetes even more. So that is where I am at today. I will get the results in 1-2 days.

Even though metformin and glipizide are working, the endocrinologist said that my pancreas could just be in what they call the "honeymoon" stage. This is where your pancreas produces just enough insulin until the pancreas is destroyed and you are forced to use an outside source of insulin. So, just because your medication is working, does NOT mean you are type 2 diabetes. This honeymoon phase can last anywhere from three months to three years. However, my doctor seemed pretty sure that I have type 1 due to my weight, age, and slim features.

NOTE:  My diet and lifestyle prior to six months ago, was extremely sedentary and filled with horrible foods. I also used to be overweight by medical standards. (197lbs @ age 17 @ around 5.9 ft). This is still a viable reason for possibly having type 2 diabetes.

Ok so here is what my blood glucose looks like now: (I have been in the normal range for the past three days- today is not shown below- after cutting out breads)

On another note, if it turns out that I can not fly because I have type 1 diabetes I will be attending a different college then previously stated in this blog. Today I found a college in Houston, TX that has great tuition rates, and has my major. Aviation Science Management. I am so excited, that is only two hours away from my house, and the school has recieved fantastic reviews. So this is where I will be going. In two days I will finally have my future planned. These past two weeks have been KILLING me. I can't wait to get my test results! I told my doctor to just leave a message "You have type 1" or "You have type 2" if I didn't pick up! Haha!

Well I am going to go make dinner now! I'm off to school... Also I would like to note that my local HEB does not have sugar free ice cream, and I was severely pissed. Diabetics have a hard time finding food as it is. I don't want "No sugar added," I want, "SUGAR FREE." Any who, thanks for reading!

This is Evan,

Signing Off

Just another day in the cockpit

Hey, how are ya'll doing? I missed yesterday, because I just wasn't feeling up to typing, and I didn't feel that my glucose levels had progressed enough to post anything about them. However, today I had a breakthrough. I remember my friend's dad and mom telling me that eating bread would raise your blood sugar. So today for lunch I decided to have tuna, and a lot of brocoli. After breakfast, which I had a bagel for, I had a reading of 254 mg/dL at around 10:15am, and then I went on with the day, had my lunch, and when I got home around 4:00 pm, I checked my sugar. It was 122. 122! The nurse at my family practitioner  said that she has never seen someone react so well to such little medication. After dinner, however, I spiked to 174. For dinner was some chicken fajita meat and a salad. I think It is pretty good if I"m staying in the 100 range though! Below is a table with my glucose readings (not all of them because the app went a little screwy on me), and a graph where you can see the drop that occurred today:

So as you can see it is going down. I am so excited. If this is working it means the metformin and glipizide is working,  and it also means that there is a high probability I am type 2. I also received the appointment confirmation notice from the endocrinologist today. I can't wait! Also, I would like to add that I discovered Diet Barq's Root Beer. I love it... Well as much as you can love a diet soda. It is almost a free drink! I've drank quite a bit, so I think I am going to cut back. 

I would like to take a moment to thank my friend's parent's for being concerned about me and pricking my finger. With out them, I could still be eating my sugar filled diet, and thinking that I was just losing weight. However, I will now not go blind, lose a limb, or any other complications that can form from untreated diabetes. Thank you. 

Also, I had to leave class tonight because there was a girl who was just hacking up a lung and being all sickly and what not. The last thing I need is to get sick while I'm getting my sugars under control. The professor understood and allowed me to take an absence without any consequence. 

Well, The Chronicles of Riddick is on AMC right now, I think I'm going to unmute it and have a nice relaxing evening. Goodbye and thanks for reading!

This is Evan,

Signing off

Tower: Are we cleared for take off yet?

Last night I stayed up until about 12:30am to monitor my blood sugar. When I last left ya'll my sugar was around 199. However, after dinner, and even late into the night it kept dropping and I had some very unfortunate bowel side affects from the metformin and glipizide. I believe it stopped dropping around 164. 164 CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! When I woke up around 8am, I received a reading of 170 exactly. I had one whole wheat bagel with one tablespoon of cream cheese shared between both halves. About 10:12am or so my readings came back at 295 and then about two hours later it came back at 264. Which, considering my past after meals readings, is very low. None the less it bummed me out for the day. You can see the sudden drop here:

I've had two classes today at my community college and I just feel like I'm wasting my time, even though I know I'm not. It feels like my entire future is waiting on the outcome of the tests I will be going through on Monday. I just want to know what type I am! Me and my father already decided that if it is type two and treatable by oral medication, then I am sticking with the original plan. That plan consists of finishing up my basics at the community college down here. Then I will be going up to Killeen, TX and living in my RV and attending Central Texas College to earn a bachelors degree in Aviation Science which includes getting all my licenses up to a commercial pilot.

Plan II: TRY to establish Residency in Colorado so that I can receive in state tuition. However, this requires that I stop going to school for one year, and that my parents relinquish custody of me, and that my parents don't support me financially in any way. I talked with a representative from Metro State College of Denver, and she said that they can pay health insurance, car insurance, and cell phone bill. However, the question then becomes, if I have established residency for one year in Colorado, and get in state tuition, will my parents be able to pay for the tuition there after? Lord knows I can't pay for that tuition. 

So that is where I am at right now. These questions just go through my head over and over and over again. I'm going to make myself sick waiting for these test results. I need to know. My future is hitting to many delays. I want to be on the damn runway right now!!!!!!

This is Evan,

Signing off.

Tower: We are descending!

Ok here we are again! It is Sunday night, and I had a good day out with my friend Chris. I left my credit card at an ATM, which I have never ever done, and so I had to cancel it. But that meant that I couldn't eat lunch. So the glucose readouts were low today. Let's start from the beginning. This morning I woke up and I had 264 for a fasting level (the level I want to see go down). This was awesome because none of my levels have gotten below 291 for the past week. So I had a bagel with some butter for breakfast, and around 3 hours later, my blood sugar was only 294, where most of my after meal levels have been around 350! As the day went on I got down to 214, and then before dinner at around 7 I was at around 199! 199!

I am so happy right now. I really hope this metformin and glipizide are working! I just had 3 oz of lean chicken and salad topped off with ranch dressing. So let me tell ya'll... a diabetic diet just sucks. I mean it sucks royally. But if it means I can still fly then I will eat cow crap if that is what it takes.

When you are in that cockpit, all the world is beneath you. The sky is there and there is nothing to stop you. There is nothing but the flashing lights out at the end of the wing tips, and at night all the world is asleep beneath you. You are no prisoner of gravity. You are free to be who you want to be.  You can fall, you can climb, you can defy gravity. You can be a pilot.

At the bottom of the blog I have listed a playlist with some of my favorite songs to listen to while I fly. I'm actually listening to them right now. Yes some of them are old, and some are the bee gees, but that is what I love listening to haha. I'm an old fashioned kid. Give them a listen and let me know what you think won't you?

Just a side note before I log off tonight, I would like to get more messages, I always want messages from readers. If you would like a copy of my diabetic meal plan, which is specifically designed for diabetic glucose control, I would be happy to scan it for you and send it your way!

Thanks for reading!

This is Evan,

Signing off.

Diabetes Flight 48

I found this video from the help of a few friends over at jetcareers.net! I think this has inspired me even more then I could have ever dreamed! Amazing. I emailed Douglas, the pilot in this video, and told him about my blog. We will see if he has a chance to take a look at it. All I want is to fly. And all I want is a job in the aviation field. This has given me the courage to do it. To be a pilot no matter what. This man flew over 48 states and is type one diabetic. He shows us the real aspects of flying with type 1 diabetes and doesn't cover up the bad parts. All of it is there and we will see what the future holds for him. You can see his webpage here: http://www.diabetesworldflight.com. He also wrote a book which I've heard is very intriguing and I just might pick it up soon.

The button!

Here we go, here is the Donate Button which will go to my paypal account and allow you to enter any amount. It will go to the Trials and Tribulations Education Fund to be used only for the purpose of funding my future endeavors into higher education. IE College or University Tuition. I'm hoping to attend Metropolitan State College of Denver for Aviation Management if they tell me that I can not fly commercially. However, I will be becoming a private pilot no matter what they say!


Its over there too --->

Day Two

So I'm going to try and post every day. It probably won't be like that, maybe once or twice a week is more doable. Well it is Saturday morning and my blood glucose level was around 299. My fasting level (which is the level I want to see decrease with the medication) is rising. My high levels for the day (the ones after I eat at certain times of the day) are lowering. So I don't know what to think. Here is my graph since January 16th, 2011

So as you can see it is a little crazy. It doesn't have this morning's reading because it's a big hassle to email it to myself and then take pictures of it and resize it for the blog. However, there it is for your viewing pleasure. Now I want to see those numbers get between 90 and 120! Ahhh I have a good while to go don't you think? But I hope the metformin and glipizide will do the trick! 

I met someone last night at a basketball game I was airing for my radio station, who has an insulin pump. It was pretty rockin', being pink and what not! If I do end up needing insulin, that is what I will be using for injections. You only have to replace the needle once every three days. It is kind of like a suction cup that sits at the base of your belly.

Also. I had an idea. Sorry I'm bouncing around everywhere. I think I am going to put a donate button at the bottom for anyone who would like to donate to my education. You know. Every penny counts. Any bit of money is money that I did not have before I started this page. Any money I receive will go directly to my education and no where else. I'm applying for scholarships, but they are pretty hard to come by. 

Well there it is for this morning. I'll probably be by a little later tonight if I'm not still at a Birthday dinner I am attending!

 

The First Post - Just bringing you to speed

Hi. So you are here. Reading what I am about to put down on this page. I guess you could say I'm not in the happiest of places. Right now I'm sitting in my bed. The TV is muted. The lights are on. "The Office" is playing in the background. "Fix You" by Cold Play is playing in the background as well. I'm on Facebook... which is no longer even a refuge for me. I'm 18. I'm a very intelligent young man, and I'm stuck.

For my entire life I have wanted to be a pilot. Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing has been able to top the sensation and wonder that I feel when I fly an airplane. I started flying when I was 13, logged 11 hours, and then had to stop due to money issues. After that, I was always on flight sim 2004 or FSX. I even built a giant cockpit in my room. Do you get the picture yet? I love airplanes and I don't want them to ever not be a part of my life. Have you gotten that feeling yet?

Last year, 2010, in February I went to get a Class 1 FAA Flight Medical (which is very strenuous and hard to get). Your vision has to be 20/20 (no ifs, ands, or buts), and you have to be in top physical condition. I was denied due to my vision (I have strabismus - lazy eye - in my left eye). They said I would probably never be able to fly. So I cried about it. I toughed it out and I went on with my last semester of high school. There I found a love for filming and video editing.  So I engulfed my life in that.

With my media teacher becoming my new best friend, I became a pro at Final Cut Pro, editing techniques, and thus started a business with my father who is a graphic design artist and I started new employment at a radio station. I felt confident. I had some fun at video editing and sound editing. So I thought maybe I'd go into college for this kind of media degree... NO. Thousands and Thousands and Thousands of dollars (90-100K) for the education. So I settled for Communication Design at Texas State University.

I finished a semester at Texas State and just couldn't do it. The art was in me but I just had no motivation to do it. I just couldn't do it anymore. So in December of 2010 I was steadfast to get my Class 1 Medical! I was not going to let anything stop me. I wore an eye patch for a while and did eye exercises. I went to the optometrist and received a vision of 20/20 in my right eye and 20/20-1 in my left eye. Guess what. The -1 doesn't matter! So off I went to a Flight Surgeon to get my physical. I found one in San Antonio on a Saturday morning and waited in the office. As the procedure went about all I could hear was "You passed."

So I walked out of the place with a class one medical license! You would not believe it. Ever seen a kid scream and cry and hop up and down outside of a clinic? It was like I had been cured of cancer or something. So I started looking for colleges, and after countless hours and stress of looking and waiting for schools to open I found one in Killeen, TX. I applied and was accepted. However, since it was such short notice I decided to do my basics at a community college where I live. Awaiting the fall semester so I could become a commercial pilot!!!!

Then. My friend's dad said he saw symptoms of diabetes in me. I was probably fine right? I recently lost a lot of weight and had been drinking a lot of water and flushing out my system by going to the bathroom a lot. WRONG. These are the symptoms. The next morning his father took my blood sugar. It was 274 mg/dl. Thats almost 160 above normal.

That day I went to the doctor and was told that I have diabetes. Ok. Cool. Now what? Then I did more research. If you have type 1 diabetes (insulin dependent) then you can not hold a class one or class two medical and thus can not become a commercial or airline pilot. If I'm type two (insulin resistant) there is a chance that I can become a pilot as long as I don't require insulin. I can, however, use medication. But then what if I have to end up using insulin later on in life and I have invested thousands of dollars in becoming a pilot? Any insulin is a no to flying, even if you have a license and have been flying for forty years.

I am currently on Metformin and Glizipide. I won't know what type I am until the 31st of this Month. I will let ya'll know what is going on.

 I'm stuck. I have so much more to tell you. However, I have to get to work.

This is Evan,

Signing off